Monday, October 25, 2010

Some good links

Been doing a lot of reading today, trying to find out what may be causing JJ to be acting so nasty the past couple of weeks.  Usually he has a couple of "good days" during a 7 day period,,but just haven't been seeing those lately.  I have found some interesting links that I thought I would share.. nothing to help my dilemma mind you,, but its good reading for those with special needs children.

New online screening test for autism in young children

Thimerosal (Mercury) In Vaccines Not Linked To Autism, New Research

Babies Born At 37 To 39 Weeks Have Higher Risk Of Autism And Special Educational Needs

Toddlers With Autism May Fix Their Eyes On Geometric Patterns Rather Than Children Playing

Food Dye Ban Implemented Or Considered By Some Health Authorities After Cancer And Hyperactivity Link Found

ADHD Is A Genetic Neurodevelopmental Disorder, Scientists Reveal

ADHD Could Be Misdiagnosed In Nearly 1 Million US Kids Say Researchers

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Silly Saturday

Got to go to a lighter place today with my blog post, since the week has been so difficult.  N and I got out of the house and to a movie after all last night.  Once B & D got here to babysit, he ignored us and we just left.. he didn't miss us or act up for them.  He did decided to turn on the tap down stairs in the set tub which has a hand held shower head and hose on it.  The shower head was pointing out towards him so, yup you guessed it, he got drenched.  Not sure what would possess him to even turn it on, I asked.."I don't know was his answer". He has never turned it on before!  The girls came to his rescue and cleaned up the water and he went and changed his clothes. 

The movie "Red" with Bruce Willis, Helen Murin, John Malkovich and Morgan Freeman, was excellent! It had a good mix of comedy and action without a bunch of blood and guts or every second word being a curse word.  It was a nice escape for a couple of hours, and I sure needed it.  I have posted some Oxymoron's just for laughs and to keep things on a lighter note.  I got them from my friend JP and just had to share.  Hope you all have a great day.


1.Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?

3.If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4.If  Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5.Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6.Why does "slow down" and"slow up" mean the same thing?

7.Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8.Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9.Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10.Why are they called "stands"when they are made for sitting?

11.Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

12.Doesn't "expecting the unexpected"make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee"mean opposite things?

15.Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16.If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18.If love is blind, why is lingerieso popular?

19.If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20.Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21.Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the
batteries are dead?

22.Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23.How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels?  Aren't we clean when we use them?

25.Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26.Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?

27.Christmas - What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and
eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Fed up Friday

We are into day two of no computer for JJ after school.  I can tell you that I am so fed up with the whining and complaining.. seriously.  Being consistent with a regular child is trying right?  Try it with a special needs child who doesn't understand the concept of "no means no"  As soon as he walked in the door from school, it was "can I go on the computer and just look at -you tube-?" Of course my answer was "no, no computer means no computer, not just no to the games you play on the computer".  He didn't understand that concept, and wanted to argue about it. Everything is exaggerated with him, and if I engage, it will turn to a big meltdown.  So again, I refuse to enter into a petty argument with a child,  I ignore him until he is willing to talk and not yell and listen instead of being so focused on his thought process.  Let me tell you, this is daunting.

He yells because he has no volume control. He talks loud, plays loud, yells even louder. lol
Being so ridged is in itself stressful on my end because he has no give what so ever.  If he thinks something should be done a certain way, by gawd it has to be done that way.  Right now he is in his bedroom yelling that its all my fault.  I'm hoping that he gets in a calmer place within the hour.  N and I are going out to a movie something that happens a couple times a year and we have JJ's cousins coming over to babysit.  If he doesn't calm down then he will ruin our chance of going out.  There is no way I can leave him with his cousins to handle.. I think he has figured that out and is doing this on purpose.  Anything to ruin a couple of hours out of the house without him. Its something that we rarely get to do, and even with giving him fair warning of what will be happening, some times it just isn't enough.  This is one of those times.

I was sooooo looking forward to going out, now my head hurts and I'm in a "fed up" mood, which makes me snappy.. Hopefully I can de-stress myself before we leave so the whole night isn't ruined.
Have a good weekend everyone!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

A picture is worth a thousand words.....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

TV Tuesday

I think Monday is the best day of the week for tv watching.  Why is it they have to cram all the good shows on one night?  I mean come on.. there are seven days to a week, can't they just spread them out a little? lol  Monday there is  the new (old) series "Hawaii Five-O", I use to watch this series when I was younger and it was good then, the new one isn't too bad either.  Then "House" is on and besides the fact that they always think it might be Lupus the person has,, to quote Dr. House.. "its never Lupus".. the show makes me laugh out loud, seriously! My favorite show by far since they took "Boston Legal" off the air.  Now there was a good, extremely funny, in your face show. I miss it.. there is nothing like a good laugh!

Starting at 8pm tonight we have "The Good Wife", this show is really well written, the story line is something that can happen to anyone.. I mean what man hasn't cheated on his wife right?  It does tend to focus on her perspective of the affair . It dabbles into the embarrassment etc, but she doesn't stick her head in the sand, she is driven to get her life together..with or without him.  I loved Julianna Margulies from way back when she played George Clooneys girlfriend on ER and she is doing a superb job on The Good Wife also.  I wish ER hadn't ended, it was my most favorite show, I still watch the

At 9pm we watch NCIS, now N likes this show a lot, I like Mark Harmon, so I watch  The story lines aren't too bad, but its getting a bit predictable I can take it or leave it.

At 10pm there isn't too much on, tonight there is a new series starting called "Raising Hope", about a man who is trying to raise a child from a one night stand he had.  We will probably see what its like and I will weigh in on it later on once we watch it a few times.

At 11pm there is a new series that started a few weeks ago "Detroit 1-8-7" Its another cop show, and I'm not too sure if I like this show yet.. as they say the verdict is  If it doesn't pick up we will probably go back to watching "The Little Couple", its starting to get interesting as Jen is trying to get pregnant and now undergoing fertility injections and they are custom building a new home.

Wednesday is "Survivor" night, we both love reality tv shows so its a must watch on my list.  Then "Criminal Minds" which is a really good show, love the characters, story lines are good and it makes you try to figure out "who done it" so your not just a mindless mush watching it. After that its "The Defenders" which is another new series staring Jim Belushi  as a lawyer, so far its holding my attention and could prove to be a long running show.

So thats my run down on shows I like this season. I hope you all have a wonderful night!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Is it over yet?

What a weekend.. I'm so glad its over!  We didn't do any special and JJ was in royal aspie form.  Everything was wrong, he argued about everything, and had two meltdowns.  I got up Saturday and said,"oh too bad its raining outside", he said "its so not raining" , I asked him if he'd like me to make an english muffin/egg sandwich for him he said "I hate those"..its his favorite...  As I was writing up the grocery list,I asked him if he wanted anything special for school snacks this week he says "no everything tastes awful"... The trip to the grocery store was not good either because all he wanted to do was play on the computer.  UGH!  The whole weekend was like that, no matter what I said or did, he was just negative or said the opposite of what it was and tried to argue with me.

His new obsession is the computer.  He gets on the phone and he and his friend talk about the game they are playing on the disney web site.  I limit his time on there by setting an alarm and when it goes off he is suppose to shut it down.  I always tell him, you have an hour to play and when the alarm goes its time to get off the computer.  Weekends, he gets three hours total spread out over the day, and I think that is plenty for a kid, especially when he can become obsessed over things so easily.  He tries to bargain for longer time even, like he says "I'll make my bed", or "I'll brush my teeth" if I can have longer computer time.. of course this is stuff he is suppose to do without a

Yesterday was rough.  I ended up having to suspend his time on the computer for today because he didn't want to abide by the rule and made a big unnecessary fuss every time it was time to get off the computer.  Of course he wasn't happy about loosing computer time today, because his friend called first thing this morning and wanted him to go on the computer... I was the meanest Nannie in the world again!  He told me I must be trying to get in the guiness book of records... lol  yeah, funny

I'm still trying to figure out why he was more difficult than usual so the whole week isn't like this.  Hope you all have a good Monday!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Behind the living room window

There are more days than not, that I feel like I live my life through my living room window.  Since JJ decided he wanted to be more grown up and walk to school with his friends,there are days I don't even get out of my sweats.  I don't have a reason to get dressed now.  I don't have to go outside if I don't want to.  Most days I don't go out.  I don't have the income to go out and do anything, and even something simple like going to the mall is hard because I might see something I'd like to purchase..and I can't.

So what do I do all day... not to much really.  I get up and make sure JJ has breakfast, gets dressed, washed up and his teeth done. I pack his lunch box, give him a kiss and hug and he goes to school.  Once he's gone, I will do the dishes, dust, sweep or vacuum the floors, mop, make beds, clean the litter box, and of course the dreaded job of cleaning the bathroom.  If you live in a house with two males, you know what an awful job that can be.  When the cleaning is done, if its laundry day then I do that.  Then I sit and go on my lap top and hit up facebook and see whats going on with my youngest daughter out west, and watch tv.  The sofa is on the opposite wall from our large picture window, I find myself staring out it at the world going by me.

People walking by, cars, kids coming and going to school, leaves dropping off the trees, squirrels looking for food, birds at the feeder.  A whole world going on and I'm viewing it from my living room window.  I don't know how to explain why I don't go out every day, its not that I have some sort of fear of going outside. I don't.  When my oldest daughter calls and needs a drive if I have the gas, I go do it.  I could get up of the sofa and go out any time I want between 8am and 3pm, I just don't.  Its like I lack ambition or desire to do anything.  Nothing seems to make me feel good about doing it.  Since the day we moved in here, I would go for a walk every day with Mindy then I got sick and found it too hard to breath to go for a walk, so I had to stop.  Now that I am feeling a bit better, I just don't seem to have any desire to take her for a walk.   Maybe I will once I get rid of this lung infection for good.  I really hope I do, because I need to go for a walk or get some sort of exercise or I'm going to gain more weight than I have already in the past 5 years since lupus hit.

I really don't know the cause.  All I know is I seem to be on autopilot and just doing what needs to be done.  I'm not happy with my life. I don't have a purpose.  When I watch people through my living room window I wonder what their life is like, if they are happier than I am.  What is their marriage like, can they share their deepest thoughts with their partner and enjoy doing things together, how are their kids doing are they happy and healthy,  do they have a good friend base to share with, do they go for a girls night out or a movie, do they get up and embrace the day or dread it?
Maybe someone else is looking through their living room window and wondering the same things I am....

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What a weekend

I hope you all had a great thanksgiving weekend.  Ours was busy, but good.  Friday JJ had a friend of his from his old school over for a few hours.  Saturday he had visitation with his Mom and Dad and yesterday he had a birthday party to go to for one of his new classmates.  They held it at the base gym on the rock climbing wall.  The kids had a ball, JJ got up about 4 maybe 5 feet, which was good for him.  We went shopping for an hour and then went back to the party and there was JJ sitting off all by himself..just watching everyone.  I pushed him to go interact and he did reluctantly, but he really does need to push his boundaries and try to get involved with what is going on around him.  All in all he had a good time and he got invited over to a friends house some time so that was good too.

He had a good weekend, only one meltdown and that was tonight over his homework.  I forgot to get him to do it this morning and he got all stressed out this evening because it wasn't done and he was going to "flunk school" because it wasn't done.  I finally got him calmed down and into bed with the plan to do it first thing in the morning.  I simply had so much to do today that I didn't think about his reading log he had to do and so it put unnecessary stress on him.  The good thing was he calmed down within an hour and just got his jammies on and went to bed.  It was such a busy weekend with so much activity that it was stressful but he handled it well until the home work came up and then it all came out.  Another learning experience for us both...

Today we had our turkey dinner.  We were a few people short this year.. B,F,little D and E of course are out in Manitoba and moved into their new house this weekend, missed them bunches.  V was busy with work and nursing assignments so the four from her family were missing, and brother D and T didn't come because of me being sick and not wanting to catch the bug. So there was N,JJ,me, S,C,Ja, Jo and cousin A sitting around the tables this year.  Food turned out good, we all pigged out and no one had room for any of the pies S made. I know her pumpkin looked really good, Mom would of loved it, pumpkin was her favorite.

After dinner and dishes we went outside and I took some pictures of the boys.. nice fall day for it for sure and they had a ball climbing the trees and jumping in the leaves.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Getting better

I think I can honestly say that I see a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel with this lung infection.  The clindamycin is working and along with my puffer I am bringing up lots of gunk.  No other word to describe it except gunk...  I have my energy coming back, I'm coughing less violently and my joints are feeling better.

Most people don't realize that when a person with Lupus catches even just a simple cold virus it reeks havoc on our bodies.  The average person will feel horrible, fever, body aches, cough.  Now imagine your last cold... got it in your mind how you felt.. multiply that by 1000!  When your body aches, I get swollen joints that don't want to bend.  The virus is making my body attack itself. Yeah, not a good picture right?

A cold virus goes to my chest because my lungs are compromised and tends to just hang around and wear out its welcome.  I have to then go to my dr. and beg for an antibiotic.  I have so many allergies to medication that at this time I have only one antibiotic that I can take without having a reaction. If I use that too much in the run of a year, then my body will become immune to it and it won't work on me any longer.  Then I will have to try different antibiotics and see what kind of reactions I have to those... see the dilemma?  People with Lupus have a lot of allergies to medications etc because you are putting a foreign substance into a body that is out of whack.  It sees the medication as being something it should attack and try to kill where a healthy body would recognize that the medication is there to help it.  In short, getting sick is a really big deal.

I try my darnedest to wash my hands often, use hand sanitizer when I'm out and about and can't wash.  I use my coat sleeve to open pull type doors or my shoulder to push them open so I don't have to touch them.  I carry wipes with me to use on shopping cart handles, and I do the cough into my arm trick they are pushing people to do now a days.  I am vigilant but not obsessive.. I still have to live.. Next time you get sick, take notice of how your coughing, what your touching, and if your washing your hands as often as you really should be.  My body will really appreciate it.

Friday, October 08, 2010

Being Thankful

Its so easy for us to complain all the time.  Its much harder to find things to be thankful for.  Its a frame of mind really. We choose how to look at life. If we stop and look at our lives we really can find even the simplest things that can take our breath away and make us feel thankful.

I know as I get older, I find holidays are difficult for me.. mainly because those I love are passing on and it leaves a void in my life.  But when I stop the negative and look, I see that I am surrounded by a funny, loving family.  I have two daughters who despite our differences, I love with all my heart, and they have given me the gift of gr.children who keep me looking at life with new eyes.  Watching them grow and learn and looking at how they see the world around them is fascinating, funny, and fills me with joy.

I have a brother who has a heart as big as the world itself, and a sense of humour to match.  I have a wonderful sister-in-law who is kind,loving and has the stamina to be married to my   I have a niece who is strong, convicted, bold, funny, and a determined woman always trying to better her life.  She has added to the family a new husband who matches her humour and wit and loves their twin daughters and made their family whole.  When schedules allow and we can all be together for holidays there is lots of noise and an abundance of laughter.  Life really has given me lots to be thankful for.

I am also thankful for the following :

– the mute button the the tv remote so I don’t have to listen to commercials in volumes not fit for human ears.

- Air freshener for spraying the bathroom after JJ has been in there

-candles in glass jars who’s bottom doubles as a hammer when the real one is down a flight of stairs.

-cooking spray which has a hundred uses besides cooking

-scarves that can hide the neck wrinkles

-birds, because without them I would never have a reason to wash my car

-mini bags of munchies, cause now I know what 100 calories looks like

-clouds, without them JJ and I could never play look at the bunny or tiger or face game

-the wizard of OZ for teaching me that there really is “no place like home”

I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving, and you find your reasons for being thankful.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

What drives me nuts with a capital N

I’m an aggressive driver, I won’t even try to say I’m not.. but I abide by the laws written for the road, even the unwritten one that says you can go 10km over the speed limit on the highway and get away with it.. lol
What drives me nuts are those that totally ignore speed limits in the city, in school zones and ride up my azz like it will make me go faster.  I can tell you it won’t. In fact if am going the 10 over and someone comes up fast on my azz I will then go down to the exact speed limit. Why, you may ask would I do that.. well my theory is this. I’m speeding, so if you want to go faster than me, your an idiot.. and need to slow down and think…seriously
Now some people think that road signs are for other people not them.  Sitting on the Vanier/Prospect St. intersection last week I noticed a car hesitating there, he had the green light but his head was on a swivel, he was obviously looking for police.. because he was going to ignore the “no left turn” sign at this very busy and notorious intersection, and he was going to make a left turn.  He did it too.. today my brother D called to say he saw someone do it yesterday.  With accidents happening there on a regular basis (without people doing illegal left turns) its like suicide to even try doing that at this intersection.. It gives me a “shake the head moment” for sure.
Then there are those that decide to hold up traffic through two count them two light changes to sit on the road with signs right next to them saying “no stopping” , “no parking” just to get into a Tim Horton’s drive thru to get a coffee!  This pisses me off the most.  They should never have given Tim Horton’s permission to make drive thru’s in our city on three of the busiest streets because the drive thru lanes are not long enough to hold the amount of traffic these coffee shops generate. 
The ones on Prospect, Regent and Union Streets are so ridiculous now that you may as well stay off them between the hours of 7-9am.  Regent St well, you can get caught up there any time of the day because the drive thru will only hold 4 cars .. we are talking Tim Horton’s here people.  I’m hoping that the people on city council get caught up in this traffic as much as I do and kick their proverbial azzes every time they do. You know what makes it worse, is watching a police car drive by and do nothing about it.  Hello,,, what part of “no parking, no stopping“ is so hard to understand.. isn’t it self explanatory?
Is it just me, or do you find that people are just not abiding by the laws anymore? What is happening to society…

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

There is a difference

I was asked today by someone who reads my blog if there is a difference between a meltdown and a tantrum.  Kids know how to work their parents, whether or not we want to admit it.  The difference between an Aspie kid having a meltdown and a kid just wanting something they can’t have is plain if we want to open our eyes and see it. 

A meltdown is a stressor release, generally caused by their lack of communication skills and emotional coping skills.  I have found that one of JJ’s stressors is if he feels that he has too much on his plate so to speak at one time, he will start to stress.  I will give you an example: If I ask him to do “his homework” but I don’t specify “do your math homework” he will look at the three duo tangs on the table and think…”I can’t do them all at once” and he will start to get upset.  He will then start to repeat himself by saying “I can’t do this” over and over.  The thought of trying to do “all his homework” at once is too much for his brain to process… yet instead of saying out loud, “I can’t do all my homework at the same time”, and I  could then rephrase my request,he takes my request to “do your homework” literally and has a meltdown. Word phrasing is a key to keeping Aspie kids stress levels down.  Remember they take all our words literally.
Another example : If we went out to the mall and he wanted me to buy him something and I said no and he persisted until he got to the tantrum stage he is purely working me.  He is trying to push my buttons hoping that if he throws a big enough tantrum I will give in.  Luckily dragging a kicking and screaming child out of wall mart time and again, and going straight home, hasn’t happened for many years.  I can tell you that there is nothing more embarrassing, but you just can’t give in.   If you do give in, your rewarding “negative” behaviour and teaching them that what they are doing(tantrum) will eventually get them what they want.  You give in once and your setting yourself up for years of battles.  You give in once and you will be making your life twice as difficult as it needs to be.  You have to be consistent and I can’t stress that enough.  I have learned that the hard way.

Because you can’t spring anything on a child with aspergers, I found that I had to tell him what the plans were going to be for the day.  I would even make a chart and post it on the fridge. For example: If i was going to the mall to pick up bla,bla,bla.. I would tell him we would be going around 10 am and we aren't going to be buying anything else.  Of course because he is a literal kid, I have to make sure if I have a list that I tell him the whole list or I will only be having an argument about what I said I was going to the mall for. lol  That way there was no open end on what we could buy, it was cut and dry and he wouldn’t ask me to buy him something and a tantrum was adverted.  As he got older and got an allowance for his chore, we would pick one day of the month to go to the mall and he could buy something he wanted with his saved up allowance money.  Believe me it works.

Giving a child with aspergers choices is also something that is too stressful. In the morning I generally don’t ask JJ what he wants for breakfast.  Most or 90% of the time I just make him something or narrow it down to two things.  You can’t overload them with options.  If they need to do certain tasks don’t list them off,eg: go make your bed, brush your teeth,comb your hair, put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Instead give them one at a time, help if its needed and will cut down on their stress.  Explain how to do things, don’t just assume that they how to do it.  When they do it, praise them.. reward good behaviour with lots of praise.
When JJ was between the ages of 1-6 he had meltdowns every couple of hours before I paid close attention to what was setting him off.  He went for counselling for a year on how to deal with his meltdowns which helped tremendously as well.

There is a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, and most days with consistency, word phrasing, less options, quiet surroundings you can advert them or lessen the occurrence.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Independence and Letting go

I made a decision yesterday after much prodding and begging from JJ.  I hope I don’t regret it.  JJ wants to walk to and from school alone.  Its not a long distance, it is a 4 minute walk and only 10 houses away.  The boys next door who are 9 and 10 have walked alone for a couple of years.  So why am I so nervous then?
Its a new neighbourhood, and I guess its just the mother bear in me, I want to protect, to make sure that he is safe and sound.  Its also a bit of a control issue.  If he walks home with me I can help control the walk, does he look both ways before he steps off the curb, is he aware of his surroundings? If he isn’t I sure am!
He is spreading his wings, he wants to be like his friends most of which all walk to school and he wants some independence too.  And I am learning a lesson on letting go.  Its been 19 yrs since I have had this internal tug of war.  I think it’s harder this time around because its been so long in between. 
He was so excited when he asked me yesterday, the only other times I see that type of excitement is when he gets some new star wars Lego.  I didn’t jump and say “no” right away, I held back and asked him questions: – why did he want to walk alone – what would he do if someone tried to talk to him – what would he do if someone suddenly jumped out of a car and tried to put him in it – Not easy questions, but they need to be asked again because its been a while since we have had a talk like that.  I decided we would try it this week and see how it goes.  It all depends on him if he gets to do it every day or not.
The rules are that he must come straight home, no dilly dallying at school talking to his friends and he must be home by 3:15.. or I will come looking for him and he looses the privilege.   I told him this morning that he should ask the boys next door to come by when they leave for school and then they could all walk together.  That would make me feel better….  School gets out in another 3 hours so I am anxiously waiting to see how day one of Independence Day goes.  Keeping my fingers crossed that I made the right decision.

As a side note.. JJ made it home safe and sound !

Monday, October 04, 2010


I love computers. My perfect job would be something to do with computers, maybe incoming help calls or an at home data entry job.  That’s why I like blogging so much.  But I have a confession.  When I was trying to set up my blog I found it difficult. I have a hard time reading how to do something and then doing it.  If someone could show me how to do it, just once..I can do it after that.  I have always been that way.  Tests in school were a nightmare for me.  I would get physically sick thinking about having to write a test.  Words seem to become a foreign language. Even now at my age I feel like I am reading gibberish if it isn’t accompanied by pictures with step by step instructions.
The same thing happened when I was reading about how to put in meta tags or how to ping a site for my blog.  I spent 4 hours this morning reading numerous “how to” websites trying to find out how to do both those things.  I think I figured it out, but I’m not 100 per cent sure of that.  I guess if I start showing up in search engines then I got it right..
In a way its good that I have this impairment so to speak, it makes it easier to understand JJ and how he may see things through his eyes. If we see things differently than others but still see the same thing in the end, then that is a good thing, regardless of the path taken to get there.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Doggy Buffet

Yesterday was a productive day even though I was feeling like crap. I got everything done on the list except meet up with S to drop off the present for JJ's father.  That is now on the list for Monday.  We even got the leaves raked up and bagged. N raked and JJ was the official "jumper". You can't have a huge pile of leaves and not jump in them now can you?  I was the bag holder which was right up my alley for the way I was feeling.  We ended up with 10 bags of leaves and that was just the front yard. The back yard is on a "to do" list for next weekend.

Not much sleep again last night and my theory that using the puffer all day would help, well that just didn't pan out. I didn't fall asleep until after 4 am, watching tv and coughing..I think the only reason I did finally fall asleep was out of pure exhaustion. My lungs now hurt right through my back, when I cough and unfortunately I am coughing every few minutes. Go figure! 
Today I worked away at a slow pace and got the laundry done. More progress was done with our on going home reno and N got one set of cupboards with new counter top installed in the kitchen. It looks really nice I can't wait to get the rest of the old set of cupboards ripped out and the new ones installed along the opposite wall too.

JJ had a decent day, his best friend from his old school called and the two of them talked on and off for most of the day.  Tonight will be a challenge because its bath and hair wash night. He hates water!  The only way I can get him to let me wash his hair, after much trial and error is to get him to lay across the kitchen counter with his head in the sink. He lays his head on one of those baby mesh slope things that you lay a baby on in the tub.. I have no idea what its called.  But it works and I can get it shampooed and rinsed without him getting to stressed out over the process.  

Bath time now that he is getting older is difficult because he won't let me in to make sure he actually uses soap and wash cloth.  He has reached the "I need privacy" stage. I have to take his word for it that he is scrubbing and getting clean and not just playing with his star wars lego men.  I know, your saying don't let him take toys in with him right?  That would be my ideal situation too.  But when your told to "pick your battles" I know what they mean, because its much better to have him at least in the tub with water than to have him not there at all.. so lego men it is.  I sometimes wish George Lucus invented shower heads instead of star wars anything.

Dinner was amusing... when we were done, one by one we put what was left on our plates down on the floor for Mindy.  So there it was, three plates lined up on the floor and Mindy going from plate to plate eating. JJ looks at it and says "Mindy has her own doggy buffet".  I cracked up. It really did look like that I guess from his Aspie point of view.  

Well I hope you all had a great weekend and for those of you who are going off to work tomorrow I hope you have a great Monday!

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Energy Crisis & Ninja's

I had a terrible night.  Cough, toss, turn..cough,toss, turn. Then I would have to get up and go pee because I was so afraid that the violent coughing would make me pee the bed. It seemed when I looked at the time on my watch it was only an hour later than the time before. Ugh! 

My chest is heavy and the darn humidity in the air is making it twice as bad. I pulled out my puffer this morning and am going to give it a go today and see if it helps any. 

My energy level is that of a slug.. and I have so much to do!  I sit here blogging when really I should be in the shower washing off some stink. I hope I can find some energy to go do that because I have to go out this afternoon to take JJ to go see his father and give him his BD present. I guess Mindy and I won't get out for a walk today either. First day all week it hasn't rained and I'm too sick to go.:(  Probably just as well, my knees are killing me today, I'm sure its just my body reacting to whatever virus is attacking me right now. But it sure slows me up. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have the bug going around that is causing so many people to get pneumonia, thats all I would need! 

JJ is amusing himself right now listening to music on the computer and playing a game.  He got up at 7am and I asked him to please go back to bed until it was light outside.  He didn't go back to sleep but watched tv very quietly. He actually let me sleep until 9am. I was so grateful. Getting to sleep in past 7 on a weekend is very,very,very, rare. Did I say how rare it was?

He asked to join karate this morning...out of the blue, no prior discussions. Kind of took me by surprise because we have tried to get him to join many things over the past 4yrs. He tried soccer for two days when he was 6 and he did Beavers(like boy scouts) for almost a full yr when he was 7.  There was only 5 kids in the troop so that helped with his social phobia,and Papa and I had to sit on the side lines the first  but he wouldn't go back last year at all. No way, not doing it!!  

So with all this info in the back of my mind, I ask why karate.. "well when you get your black belt don't you turn into a ninja" he asks. "No, thats just in movies" I replied.. "Oh", he said all disappointed. "I guess I don't want to join karate then" he stated as he walked away. Seems JJ wants to be a ninja all the time, not just for  He can be so funny sometimes it almost erases the fact that life is trying.

Friday, October 01, 2010

One down and one to go

I live in time frames.  Its like a moment is gone, on to the next one.. or an hour has gone by, a week. My life is sections, noticeable sections of time.  

Some days I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for JJ to have a meltdown and when it doesn't happen its like I'm doing a happy dance inside my head.  If you have a special needs child then you know exactly what I mean.  

Sections of time that seem to float through the air and all of a sudden will get caught up in some sort of JJ crisis, some sort of "end of the world", my life sucks, OMG the computer froze up crisis.  It doesn't take much to set him off.  When I clean his room while he is at school I have to make sure everything is put back correctly or I am the worse Nannie in the world because I moved something out of place when I was dusting.  If I make him the wrong kind of sandwich he won't eat it no matter how hungry he is and the crisis shows its ugly head once again.

I so try to advert these crisis's.  I know that Aspie kids hate change, only like certain foods, get stuck on certain toys to the point that they won't even consider playing with anything else.  JJ is like that to the max.  

When he was 2 it was weeble wobbles and only them. He had to have them all with every building and accessory that went with them. Between the age of 2 & 3 we did manage to collect them all.  

When he turned 4 it was dinosaurs.  He knows every fact there is to know about dinosaurs, and would talk about nothing else.  You had to show you were really interested in what he was telling you about them excessively or he would get mad at you. Between the ages 4& 5 with birthdays and Christmas and good behaviour times he had a huge collection of dinosaurs. Every shape and size, electronic and bendable, books and movies too.  He sounded like a little professor when he talked about his dinosaurs.

At 6 he got the pokemon bug. Pokemon cards, toys, movies, game cube games, books, anything and everything pokemon. Again he would talk of nothing else, and knows all facts about each one. That lasted until he was 7 then he found lego. Not just any old cheap lego, Nooooo... its star wars lego. Last year we gathered up all his weebles, dinosaurs and pokemon toys and sold them on kijiji and he bought a Wii with the money. The first game he bought for it,,was star wars lego,  Go figure..

For the past 2yrs we have been on an endless quest to find the newest box of star wars lego.  We set a price point for him early on and have never wavered on it or we would be in the poor house.  The worse part about the lego is if a piece falls off a day later he doesn't put it back on, so he has a now has a tote bin full of star wars lego pieces.  He does use them to make his own "space ships" or what ever, so its not a total loss.

He has never played with a dinky toy, dump truck, or played in a sand box like most little boys would do. I've tried over the years to show him how to play like that, but its of no interest to him at all.

I guess in a way we have gotten use to his obsessive toy compulsions. And when he was diagnosed at 6 of having aspergers an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) I did lots of reading up on the syndrome and found that it was perfectly normal for him to exclude certain foods, toys etc.  

Trying to change this behaviour stresses them out to the point that they will have complete meltdowns.  There really is nothing worse than a child having a meltdown that lasts sometimes for hours.  As he gets older and with consistent parenting and some counselling, he has learned what is acceptable behaviour when he starts to stress out.  We try to advert a crisis before it escalates by diverting his attention thus taking the focus off what is stressing him and making his brain switch gears and think about something else. The older he gets the better this method is working.

Its all a learning curve, for him and us.  He needs more help but there is a 2 yr waiting list he is on to see the specialist. In the mean time I do lots of reading about different strategies to use and keep him in a routine and consistent. It keeps those sections of time flowing smoother. 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Bed time woo's

Dealing with bed time is a nightmare. Every single night since the day he was born.

Just getting JJ to go to bed, lay down, relax.. its a big deal.  The first problem is the time he goes to bed. He wants it to be 9pm on week nights and 10 on weekends.  We have fought for years about time, we always win, but the fighting is stressful.  

This past year I came up with the idea of changing all the clocks in the house back an hour. I did this because if I say its bed time and the clock says 9pm its really only 8pm and then he can get a half decent nights sleep.  Its worked pretty well so far, except when he asks me what time it is and I look at my watch.. then I forget and tell him the real time. UGH!

The good news is he has no real concept of time, so half hour later I can correct myself and he doesn't argue with me.

Of course anyone who came into the house when I first did the "clock change" I had to whisper and tell them not to pay attention to the time on our

I mentioned to the dr. the last time I had JJ in, that getting him to settle down at night was a horrible experience. He suggested that we purchase some melatonin at our health food store. Its a natural substance found in the brain normally but in children with ASD its found that they have lower than normal amounts of melatonin.  Its a 3mg pill that he could swallow or let it melt in his mouth with no taste to put him off.  

I have to say, I have fought not to have JJ on any meds. Sometimes you just have to listen to the experts.  It has made a big difference for us and for JJ. That tiny little pill has brought nightmare bed time to a much more deal-able level.  It lets his hyper mind calm down and about 30 minutes after he takes it, he is ready to go to sleep. Less arguing, fighting and meltdowns.

Sometimes it has to be used for a long period of time, sometimes the melatonin can just help regulate sleep time and can be stopped after 6mths. I am hoping the later works, but for now he is getting the rest he and his brain needs to function in school and deal with life in general.

And so it starts

It started yesterday, that tickle at the back of your throat.. the one that makes you cough every time you breath.  You know the one, it's so irritating that after a while you get a headache.. mind you its not a constant headache, its a pounding every time you cough.  I bet you've had a tickle cough like the one I have described.  Well I have it, coughed all night as a matter of fact and this morning I feel like someone has put a hot poker in my lungs.

I know what I'm in for.

JJ's been sick for the past 3 weeks, he got sick the third day of school actually and it hasn't let up since.  Can you imagine, only back to school 3 days and he gets sick.  Don't they disinfect the desks over the summer holidays?  Last school year he was sick constantly, seemed like he would just get over one cold or virus and bam he gets hit with another one. Of course he would spread it on to me, and since my immune system is already compromised I would get three times sicker than the average person.  I really hope that this year we aren't sick all school year again!

Now I'm going to go have a nice cup of Oolong tea and cuddle up in a blanket.

Friday, September 24, 2010

What a way to start the day.

I was so mistaken when I thought today was going to be a good day.. JJ got up early, got dressed without me telling him to and was looking for breakfast by the time I got up at 6:45am.  I thought, well this is a nice start to the day for a change.. I was wrong though.

After cooking him his favorite , an english muffin with cheese and egg, he then got so defiant with me and didn't want to go brush his teeth and hair.  So once again the morning struggle was on!  The incisive talking back, not wanting to do what he is told, getting so angry and then hitting things, or slamming doors or saying "I hate you" it just wears me down. When I pushed him to go do it, he says "I'm going to call social services on you" ! Like where does that come from. He is only 9 what does he know about social services? Do 9yr olds talk about this stuff at school?  I tell him that social services won't help him, he is disobeying a parent and has to do as he is told...  it gets me no where, but its the same conversation every time a zillion times a day.  Since Asperger kids can have other disorders like OCD, ADD, ADHD, I have been doing a lot of internet searching and personally I think he has whats called "oppositional difiant disorder". Here is a list of characteristic behaviors seen in Oppositional Defiant Disorder children. They include:

•Getting angry easily
•Arguing and talking back to adults
•Defying reasonable requests
•Bucking rules
•Intentionally bothering people
•Pushing their limits
•Not taking responsibility for their mistakes or misbehavior
•Getting easily annoyed
•Getting angry easily
•Being resentful, spiteful, or vindictive.
•Speaking harshly
•Being brutally unkind when upset
•Seeking revenge
•Having frequent temper tantrums

Parents of ODD children usually describe their children as being rigid and demanding, even from an early age.

I have to tell you that having Aspergers is quite enough but JJ has every single one of these symptoms since he was just a toddler.  Believe me when I say it is so hard to deal with day in and day out.  I can honestly say that there has never,ever been one day where things have gone smoothly. NOT ONE!!  Every time he talks back and refuses to do something, I be consistant (which we were told would work) and I take something away that he likes, like his lego stuff, his DS, or time on the computer playing games.  But nothing works, he still doesn't change.  I have been battling this for 7 yrs, seven long, long years... and then you top off those actions with lack of eye contact, not being able to read my facial expressions, getting stressed out easily and repeating things over and over and then having meltdowns... oh my....

I called his dr. yesterday to follow up on a referral he was going to make for JJ in regards to his bowel problems and which I still hadn't gotten a call about another appointment...  I was told there was a two yr waiting list... two years!!!! He will be 11 by then and I will probably have major problems by then!! What kind of help is that??? Seriously.... why does this city only have one developmental psychologist?  I am so down in the dumps..

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

You really can't fix stupid

I have discovered that you really can't fix stupid.. when we moved in June, we disconnected our services at our old house,and had them all reconnected at the new house.. Bell Satellite called yesterday to ask what our address was."what address did you send the bill to I asked", "to McNeil Rd" he replied. Well thats why it was returned I said, we moved". "Where did you move to he asked", I laughed out loud.. "what address do you have for our service" I asked.. .He reads it off to me....."Well thats were we live!" I exclaimed "mail the bill to us there!". But you didn't call us and put in a "change of address" he says all serious like.. "Your kidding right? I asked.. "no he replied, you must call and change your address".. Idiots,,, To top it off, I actually had to call another number and talk to someone else because "he couldn't change the address" he was only calling to find out if we were still in NB. I so want his job! lol 

Worse part is, NB Power called today... yup you guessed it... they want to know where to mail our bill to!

At least the woman who called from NB Power changed the address while we were on the phone but she still didn't get my point that if we disconnected and then reconnected, the new reconnect should be where they mail the bill.... I am still shaking my head.. how do these people get these jobs?

Monday, August 16, 2010

What a year

What a year!! JJ finished gr.3 with flying colours and is going into gr. 4 in September. And it will be a new school.. that's right we sold the house! Can you believe it... well sometimes I can't.

We had it listed again since Feb with real estate but no bites, quite a few showing, but the waterfront scared people off. There is no way to convince people we had no flooding problems unless they came during flood season.. and they just didn't. We decided to take it off MLS and sell it ourselves, that way we could lower the price to counter the fact we didn't have to pay a commission. We took it off on a Thursday, put up signs at the end of the road and in front of the house. Saturday we went to town and when we arrived home there were two vehicles in the door yard. A couple of guys wanted to see the house, so we showed them through. They loved the house, and said they wanted to buy it.. we had hear that before, last year when we tried to sell ourselves, but the couple couldn't get we didn't' put much stock in these two guys. Sunday they came back again to go through it more closely, Monday they called with an offer and came out later that night to sign a purchase of sale agreement. We were so happy!! But they needed financing... the waiting game was on.

Of course now we had to find a house to buy. I emailed a list of houses to view to our old agent, she called back to say that of the 22 houses I had on the list there was only 4 left to look at. We viewed them that week and narrowed it down to two houses, one on the north side, one on the south. I wanted the south side where we would be close to everything and the neighbourhoods were better. N wanted the north side because he thought the taxes etc, would be cheaper and he liked the north side. I just couldn't see him battling the bridge traffic and having to leave so early just to get to work, when the house on the south side would only take 5 minutes for him to get to work. It would be 2 minutes to the hospital for me, and the elementary school was only 10 houses away.

To top it all off, before all this house stuff happened, we had planned a trip to NS to visit N's mom that weekend so we had to make a decision and fast. We made an offer on Friday, left for NS and finished the back and forth offers while we were there. We got the house on the south side with enough money left over from the sale of our house to be able to do the necessary reno's that the new house needed. And they are extensive. We got the house 40 thousand below the average house in the area, and are redoing the windows, complete bathroom to bottom, kitchen cupboards and counter tops, flooring and lots of painting. We are also putting in a patio door in the dining room where the window is now, and a deck off of it.

The wait for financing for the guys buying our home was nail biting to say the least. It came down to the hour before the offer was to expire and they got a call from their mortgage broker saying the financing went through! We got the home inspection done for the house we were buying and it was really good, structure and bones of the house was fine. We were moving!!

The move went well, we hired a company to move us. I had done all the packing except for the baby barn stuff and to tell the truth I was worn out and my joints were killing me. I had everything packed in two weeks, too soon but I didn't' know how long it would take me to do all alone. We lived surrounded by boxes with only dishes and pots and pans, towels etc left out to pack on the day of the move. Six hours later on the day of the move and we were in our new house, once again surrounded by boxes. Of course I had the kitchen and bath room stuff all unpacked within an hour or so.. the two major rooms. We hired a contractor to come in and demo out the bath room a couple weeks after we moved in. The walls around the shower showed no wood rot at all which was surprising since it had broken tiles and a window in the middle of the shower area. Why do builders put windows there???? Any ways, with the bathroom down to the studs, the window area was insulated and borded up and a new three piece tub surround was installed . New flooring, wainscotting on the walls, sink and flush installed and voila a brand new bathroom. I had to paint everything, cause the contractor "doesn't do painting"... and I hate painting.. but after a couple of coats on everything, it was done and looked very nice!

The next room was the living room. It had an end wall that was panneling... I know so 80's eh.. but six coats later and it is done and brightened up the whole room. A week later and the contractor was back to do the windows..all of them. They look so nice! Last weekend we took advantage of the warm day and painted the outside of the house. A nice fresh coat of white and "tomato red" on the basement and end gables of the house. Talk about making a big difference. We are settled in, but there are a lot of boxes I can't unpack because we are missing the "nic nack" space for things. At the old house we had like 12 feet of book cases that was used for pictures and stuff. We have decided that we will have to install bookcases on that end wall next to the fireplace so we can have space for all our pictures and little nic nack stuff.

N is suppose to start the kitchen demo next weekend, that will be a messy pain in the butt, even though it will look spectactular when its done. Then it will be more painting for me, the walls in the kitchen a neutral light colour and one wall by the table for accent, a creamy light brown to go with the new counter tops. I will be happy when its all done. Down the road we will be finishing a couple rooms in the basement, like a bedroom for JJ since he wants one down there for when he is older and goes to college,, and a family room. All in time I guess.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Brandy's gone

Today is difficult.. When she looks at me, its like she knows why tears well up in my eyes.  I am so glad she is deaf, because she can't hear me cry.  I have an appointment for 6pm at the Vets to have her put down.  I am of course wavering on my decision, but I know that in the end.. its the right decision for her. Its just going to be so hard  to watch her go.

I fought so hard to bring her back from being sick last year, but looking back, I did it for me, not for her. I was being selfish because I didn't want to face life without her in it.  She is now 17 and her health is getting worse than ever.  We have to pick her up and put her on the bed because jumping is just not possible for her, her joints hurt her so much.  She is barely eating anything, some days she doesn't eat at all and will sleep most of the day, only going out to use the bath room once or twice.  She is throwing up at least once a day and that's not a good sign.  The Vet says its time to let her go...

Got back from the Vets office a couple of hours ago, it was a horrible experience.  They had a hard time to find a vein and ended up poking her twice to get a central line in.  She kept looking up at me, unable to hear my calm voice trying to reassure her that everything was ok.  Tears pouring down my cheeks, and when the needle went into the central line she stared at me . I had to hold her for half an hour while the seditive took effect.  I sat there hugging and crying her big brown eyes struggling to stay open.  Then the Vet came in and gave her the final dose,,, I sobbed as her life slipped away from her and away from me.  Seventeen years of being a wonderful, funny, loving dog... gone in a matter of minutes.  Now all I have left is her memories and her collar.

Mindy is no longer banished to the upstairs living room. She ran down the stairs, her little stumpy tail stuck straight out all defensive like, waiting for a fight with Brandy.  She runs to our bedroom where Brandy use to sleep, she stands up on her hind legs her front paws on the dogie gate trying to see the bed and see Brandy... but she isn't there...  she looks up at me wondering where she is.. She whines at the gate, she knows something is wrong but not quite sure what has happened.  Life is going to be emptier without Brandy in it...