Friday, January 21, 2005

Tests and more tests

Jan 21/05 - Had xrays today, hopefully another step in finding out what is happening to me. I have a Dr.’s apt on the 14th and I am so hoping that there is an answer then. I have applied for EI sick bennifits so at least I can still pay some of my bills. I feel so bad for leaving all the financial burden on N. I have always carried my own weight. Now, not only am I dependant on him to move me, dress me I am dependant on him financially as well. I feel like half a person.... depression is setting in.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Fatigue and sadness

Jan 20/05- Everything hurts but my back, and I hope that "this" doesn't strike there. I cry most of the day from the pain. I can't walk or move, in fact just sitting still hurts. Lying down in bed makes my shoulders and hips hurt so badly its inconceivable that a person can endure this much pain and not want to kill themselves. Its such a different pain tha I have ever experienced, searing, not like a pulled muscle.Even labor is mild to this pain.

Poor N is having to do everything for me. He even has to get me dressed, when I have an appointment to go to, other than that I spend my days and nights in my nightgown. My fingers and joints just won't bend and just trying to make them do so is excruciating. Just brushing my teeth brings tears to my eyes. A shower is a luxury at this point and forget about washing my hair. Trying to get my arms up in the air is next to impossible. The good news is that being OCD I have a tendency to cut my hair all the time, now that I can't get my arms up in the air, its growing out. See there is a silver lining to everything in life.

Still no diagnosis, Dr H is looking at Gout, Arthritis, or Lupus. My family Dr. has put a referral into a Neurologist, she is leaning towards MS because of some past symptoms. Seems like the waiting list to get in though will be about a year. Nice eh?

My friend T in Toronto has also suggested that if they didn't test me for Lupus then to ask them to, she said the raspy change to my voice is a symptom. I also have had another recurrencence of this strange rash on my cheeks (of my face). It comes and goes, and has been like that for about 2 years. I had allergy tests done last year but nothing major showed up in them. Since I can't sit and type at a computer, T is being my eyes and checking out everything she can get her hands on via the internet. She is helping me stay strong mentally with phone calls and words of wisdom. I find some days are mentally worse than others, fatigue and sadness creeping in on me.

A wheel chair is now my mode of transportation when I go out. I just can't walk more than a few steps. Its horrible to be confined to this wheel chair. I'm the one who always walked two steps faster than everyone else and and now I feel like a spectical on display. I don't like people staring at me wondering "what is wrong with her". Heck I wish I knew the answer to that one myself.

Im very scared about what this is and what the prognosis will be down the road.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Off to see the specialist

Jan 11/05 – They sure didn’t waste any time getting me into a specialist. I saw Dr. H today and he sent me right over to the hospital for some blood work. I have to have more blood test and also a 24hr urine test done next week. He asked a lot of questions, the funny thing is, is that I have gone to my family Dr. for the past 2yrs with these weird symptoms. The problem is though, that the way the medicare system works here is that the Dr. bills for each office visit. So guess what, you can only go in with one symptom at a time. So unless you see all the symptoms at one time, like Dr. H is doing right now, then they don't make sense... they seem to make sense to him. Here are some of my symptoms over the years, maybe you have had them too.

*Painful joints in the knees, hands or feet-( mine started as a pain in my big toe).
*Fevers and bouts of sweating for no reason.
*Skin eruptions, as well as a butterfly rash presenting on the cheeks below the eyes and bridging the nose.- (I thought it was an alergy to something and had tests done)
*High blood pressure, - mine usually runs on the low side
*Chest pains, dry cough, shortness of breath, and rapid, violent, throbbing or fluttering pulse- (I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the ER twice in two yrs for this).
*Swollen lymph nodes and saliva glands.(had biopsy done)
*Visual problems- bright flashing zig zaging lights that obscure vission
*Cold fingers that turn white and then blueish
*Blood clot in my leg
*Bronchial pneumonia
*Rash on skin from sun exposure or florescent lights
The Dr. is nodding everytime I mention what I have been sick with or some strange symptom I have had the past two years.

What ever this is it is progressing quick quickly. I can no longer dress myself. N has been my right hand man for sure, making sure I am dressed before he leaves for work, and helping around the house when he gets home. He has really been wonderful to me and hasn’t complained about the amount of times he has to run up and down stairs for me. The fact remains that I can no longer get up and down the stairs on a regular basis.

Our house is a bit different than most. Its a two story, hip roof log house sitting along the river bank. Our main floor is the kitchen, bathroom, laundryroom, and master bedroom. Up stairs is the livingroom and JJ's (my 4yr old grandson) bedroom. Since I have been home sick, I have been spending most of my time watching TV upstairs, the problem is, that I am now stuck up here. I sleep on the sofa, in a semi-upright position since my ribs hurt to badly along with the rest of my body to lie down flat.

Since we only have one bathroom, I have resorted to peeing in a 2 liter ice cream container. I force myself to make it down stairs once a day to have a bowl movement, empty my pee bucket and make something for lunch. The round trip takes me over an hour.

The pain is something I haven’t experienced before. Ibuprofen isn’t helping and I’m pumping it into myself every 4hrs/24hrs a day. I can’t sleep and at most find my body will just pass out from the fatigue and I will wake up after dozing an hour or two at most. Dr H is putting me on Prednisone hoping to get the swelling down. He will have a diagnosis hopefully,,, when the tests come back.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

After hours Clinic

Jan 8/05 – Its been a terrible week. I called in sick at work the rest of the week.
Everything hurts, knees, ankles, feet, hands, fingers. I got N to drive me to the after hours clinic today. He knows it must be bad since I hate having to sit for hours at these after hours clinics.

I am in so much pain in my joints that I just don’t understand what it is. Its like someone is sticking hot pokers into my bones. It hurts whether I'm sitting still or trying to move. I’m hopping that its some sort of flu bug that’s going around. After a 4 hour wait I get in to the on call Dr. She thinks it may be arthritis and is recommending that I go to a Rheumathologist as soon as possible. She will send in the referral Monday when the regular Dr. offices re-open.

To many thoughts are running through my head right now. I'm scared, I'm really tired since this pain has been hampering my sleep, and I'm unsure of how long I will be off work and what to tell them. I might of missed a hand full of days at my old job in 11 yrs and now I am calling in sick to by new boss! This is so unlike me. I don't get sick, if I do...I work anyway. Oh I'm praying that this is going to be a quick fix and I will be back to work fast.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

A New Year... a better year?

Jan 5/05 - I called in sick today, it was so hard to move yesterday and do what I’m required to at work that I just couldn’t wait to get out of there. Five o'clock couldn't come quick enough for me. I tried to sit and work as much as possible and not stand, either way everything is huring.

My body is giving out and I don’t know why, I guess I would feel better knowing whats wrong and then just dealing with it. I like to take things “head on”, just deal with it. Fingers don’t want to work, my joints are hurting, bad. I feel like I’m 80 years old. Called the Dr's office they are still out on holidays.