Monday, May 28, 2012

Memories of years past

What an uneventful weekend..not that I mean that in a bad way.  If you deal with an Aspie child, you fully understand my statement.  Its great not to have any major problems.  Its such a joy to wake up Saturday morning and cook JJ's favorite breakfast, bacon and eggs and have a clam eating experience.  Of course you could cut out the eggs and just give him all bacon and he would like it even

We went to pick up a couple of things today while he went to visit his parents and younger brothers. As N and I were going into wal-mart a father was carrying out a screaming child, around 4yrs old I would guess. N and I looked at each other with that OMG how many times was that us over the years! It took me back to those memories that I don't like to revisit. The public melt downs were always the worst to experience. Not so much that people didn't understand, but that they were we had done something wrong. Or even worse that we were bad parents! How many times did I hear people mumble "he just needs a good swat on the ass", or "boys does he have discipline problems" or even worse still.."spoiled brat".

Those comments came from those who suspected that JJ was screaming at the top of his lungs because he couldn't get a toy or something that he wanted. The truth was, just the size of the store, the bright lights, the hum from the lights, all the people talking, the cold metal shopping cart.. it was sensory overload for JJ and he would melt down.  It wasn't his fault, and nothing we did would make the situation any better for him. He couldn't verbalize how he was feeling, and he didn't understand why he felt the way he did, toss in two gr.parents who were trying to learn as much as they could about what was wrong with him without any medical help and you had at times a complete disaster.

I don't miss the early years, but what I do wish is the calmness that we experience now could of been in his reach when he was younger so he could of had a happier childhood.  I often think about how terrorized he must of felt inside at 3 or 4 yrs of age, with all that his mind was saying to him. I think about how it would of been nice to sit down and read a book to him, tuck him into bed and have him get a good nights sleep. Instead he would be awake screaming in his bed with me sitting beside his bed crying until all hours of the early morning.  I think about how he never got the enjoyment of playing in a sand box with a bunch of dinky toys or trucks, because he didn't like the feel of sand and he had no interest in typical boy toys. I think about all the meals that consisted of me begging him to try a bite of this or that. Until I learned that he would only eat one specific food for months at a time and then switch to something else for extended periods.

Life with a special needs child is filled with learning, its a daily learning experience and it will never end. The thing is, we need to embrace it and go with it and know that it does get easier, it does get better, and its all done for the love of the child.  I love JJ and so glad that he has been a part of my life.

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