Friday, April 08, 2011

School woo's

During the past few weeks school has gotten difficult for JJ.  Not the actual school work, but the social aspects of it.  He is being bullied at school and nothing is being done when that happens.  Because of that he has gotten into trouble for doing back to the kids what they are doing to him.  What a viscous circle.  

Last week almost every day he came home telling me that such and such had hit him or kicked him or pushed him down and this last time it really hurt his butt.  I asked if he reported this to the "on duty" yard teacher at the time, he said yes, but it never got back to the office... nothing was done.  Three weeks ago I got a call from the vice principle that JJ had held a boy while another boy hit the boy JJ was holding. I was horrified.  JJ had never gotten in trouble at all before!  He was grounded from the school recess and lunch time play for a week and had to write a letter to apologize to the boy, who as it turns out has Aspergers/Autism.  JJ says the boy has been picking on him by coming up behind him and yelling in his ear then running away.  Loud noise drives JJ crazy.  Its just one of those quirky traits of Aspergers. So when the known school bully offered to hit him for JJ, he went along with it, not thinking of the consequences.  When he got home from school he was grounded from the computer (his fav thing to do) and his DS was taken away as well for a week.  I talked to him about how its wrong to put his hands on anyone, and he was just as guilty of hurting the boy as the boy who actually did the hitting.  I thought I had gotten thru to him.

Yesterday the vice principle called to say JJ had hit a girl, it started by the girls chasing the boys around the yard, then they were bantering back and forth verbally and next thing he knew JJ had hit the girl in the chest with his hand.  When the vprinciple had asked JJ why he hit her, he replied that the girl said he "couldn't" hit her, and that she doubted him.. so he showed her that he "could" hit her. 

That is called Aspie logic.  They have to prove themselves, or feel internalize that they do.  It wasn't her logic that "you can't hit girls" it was his logic that "you can't tell me I can't do something when I know I can do it".   I tried to explain that you don't hit,kick,touch people no way, no how. And he just keeps repeating "but she doubted me, I had to show her I could".  I grounded him from the computer and DS again, I have talked to him about how the school has a "no hands/no touch" policy and he has to abide by it.  I have promised him  that when he comes home and tells me he has been picked on again, I will immediately call the school and check to see if the "on duty" teacher reported it to the office.  The vprinciple asked me if he had Aspergers, that he has noticed some things that lead him to believe that he has it.  I told him yes, and that I thought the other kids were also "picking up" on the quirks and notice he is different and thats why they are picking on him.  He suggested that for the week detention JJ will have to do, he will talk to him and go over different scenarios with him and what his reaction would be.  He will also try to check with him daily to see if he has reported any bullying and if it has been dealt with.

At his old school, they had a 10 min assembly every morning to go over the school rules on bullying, this school doesn't.  I told the vprinciple I wasn't very pleased with the schools handling of this type of behaviour and hoped it would get better because so far JJ hasn't had a very good experience there this year.  He finally makes an effort to try to be social, to have some friends and he is picking the wrong kids to hand out with and is getting picked on himself.  He also is missing the social cues he needs and the judgement to know when someone says or does something that he might think is cool, when it really isn't appropriate.

I am hoping that I can get thru to him on what is good behavior and what isn't and that he keeps his hands to himself... its a constant struggle on some level every day.