Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I smiled

I was looking for something and had to go through our infamous junk drawer.. and there it was.. I giggle now just writing about it.

A while back JJ got in trouble at school because he punched a girl, in the arm, not the face. She was in his face on the play ground, he told her to "back off", but she kept at him, he told her he was going to punch her. She told him he couldn't.

Asperger children don't like people being in their space .  To a child with Aspergers, if you say to them, "you can't punch me" to them, they hear you don't think they are strong enough to punch, that you don't think they are capable of do so.. not the reason "you can't punch me because I'm a girl"  The logic of an Aspergers child.

So here are the 4 apologies I found in the drawer, you can see that as I continue to try to explain true logic and right/wrong to him after each apology he writes, they get different in tone and sincerity.

Dear_____ I am really sorry that I punched you. I punched you because you doubted me so that made me angry and then I punched you. But my grand parents had a talk to me and they say I will never do it again.

Dear______ I am super sorry that I punched you and I promise that what my grand parents have told me is it will never happen again.

Dear______I am deeply sorry that I punched you, but I told you not to make me angry. It has been dealt with at home so I can assure you that it won't ever happen again.

Dear _____I am deeply sorry that I didn't control my temper and I punched you. My grand parents had a really really really long talk with me and I now understand what you meant when you said "I couldn't punch you". I can't punch you, or anyone because its called assault and is illegal and not nice to do. I can assure you, that since doing something wrong like this means I loose my computer and tv, I won't be punching anyone ever, ever again.

I hope this brought a smile to your face today as well.. if you have a child with Aspergers..I'm sure it did because you can soooo relate.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Memories of years past

What an uneventful weekend..not that I mean that in a bad way.  If you deal with an Aspie child, you fully understand my statement.  Its great not to have any major problems.  Its such a joy to wake up Saturday morning and cook JJ's favorite breakfast, bacon and eggs and have a clam eating experience.  Of course you could cut out the eggs and just give him all bacon and he would like it even

We went to pick up a couple of things today while he went to visit his parents and younger brothers. As N and I were going into wal-mart a father was carrying out a screaming child, around 4yrs old I would guess. N and I looked at each other with that OMG how many times was that us over the years! It took me back to those memories that I don't like to revisit. The public melt downs were always the worst to experience. Not so much that people didn't understand, but that they were we had done something wrong. Or even worse that we were bad parents! How many times did I hear people mumble "he just needs a good swat on the ass", or "boys does he have discipline problems" or even worse still.."spoiled brat".

Those comments came from those who suspected that JJ was screaming at the top of his lungs because he couldn't get a toy or something that he wanted. The truth was, just the size of the store, the bright lights, the hum from the lights, all the people talking, the cold metal shopping cart.. it was sensory overload for JJ and he would melt down.  It wasn't his fault, and nothing we did would make the situation any better for him. He couldn't verbalize how he was feeling, and he didn't understand why he felt the way he did, toss in two gr.parents who were trying to learn as much as they could about what was wrong with him without any medical help and you had at times a complete disaster.

I don't miss the early years, but what I do wish is the calmness that we experience now could of been in his reach when he was younger so he could of had a happier childhood.  I often think about how terrorized he must of felt inside at 3 or 4 yrs of age, with all that his mind was saying to him. I think about how it would of been nice to sit down and read a book to him, tuck him into bed and have him get a good nights sleep. Instead he would be awake screaming in his bed with me sitting beside his bed crying until all hours of the early morning.  I think about how he never got the enjoyment of playing in a sand box with a bunch of dinky toys or trucks, because he didn't like the feel of sand and he had no interest in typical boy toys. I think about all the meals that consisted of me begging him to try a bite of this or that. Until I learned that he would only eat one specific food for months at a time and then switch to something else for extended periods.

Life with a special needs child is filled with learning, its a daily learning experience and it will never end. The thing is, we need to embrace it and go with it and know that it does get easier, it does get better, and its all done for the love of the child.  I love JJ and so glad that he has been a part of my life.

Friday, May 25, 2012

A new room for JJ

Where has the school yr gone to?!  I say school yr and not year because my life is measured it seems, by the length of time is left before summer vacation starts. Right now there is just a little under one month left, then soccer time, pool time..and I'm sure lots of roblox time on the computer will hit our household.  There hasn't been a whole lot going on around here to be honest. JJ has had an extended period of not getting into trouble at school, and things here have been calm. I love these times.

I also got notice that JJ's disability paperwork has finally gone thru the Gov and I got a check three weeks ago. Since its "his money" in my mind, I got him to look at furniture and then bought him a complete new bedroom set.  He is almost 12 and has old everything, from bed to an old antique dresser that belonged to N's gr.parents. I then set about painting the spare room his favorite colour orange, with some pretty nice navy blue stripes (if I don't say so myself) on one wall to break it all up a bit.  I did it during the day while he was at school and left the door closed so he had no idea what surprise I had instore for him in there. This room is a little bigger than his current room and the new bed will look better on a side wall than the way his current bed is sitting in his room now. He was so excited that I painted for him, and super excited when he saw it which he exclaimed "I guess I better like the colour orange for a long while huh?! lol

It was a painful experience for me since my joints just don't like me doing anything. But with the help of some Tylenol every 4-6 hrs I got it accomplished in a week. The furniture arrived, and then the horrible task of trying to get N in the mood to put it all  Of course with JJ asking each day when he would get "around to" putting his bed together really  But papa got it together for him in a weeks time, its a beautiful set consisting of a loft bed sitting on top of a desk on one end with a built in light over head and a drawer for all his "diary books" and a book case with two drawers on the other end and of course his favorite part is the open part in the middle where he can sit and play under his bed. It really is the perfect bed for a boy. I also went out and bought him a 24" flat screen tv and wall mount so he can lay in bed and watch tv and chill out before bed. The hard part was finding a comforter that had orange but wasn't girly with flowers all over it. I did manage to find THE ONLY orange mixed coloured comforter in town! And it looks really good.
It was nice to see that illusive smile on his face when he got to spend his first night sleeping in there. Of course the dresser is still in its crate and not put together yet, but I'm sure with JJ asking him every day it will get done this weekend after golf, of course.

I left his old bed and dressers in his old room and will now use that for the spare guest room and where our cat Dora now likes to curl up on the bed and have a mid afternoon snooze.

Well I should run for now, JJ is due home from school and I really want to run out to Walmart. I hope he is in the mood to go since I didn't mention to him this morning that we had to go out shopping after school and, well, as I have said before..Aspie kids don't like things sprung on them. Wish me luck!