Wednesday, June 10, 2009

This Fog

Some days I feel like I'm loosing my mind... I have always been a big multitasker, great for jobs, bosses love mostly because they can keep piling on the work and you will do everything in your power to get it done. The bad side is the more they pile on, the more they think you can do and then you end up a big stress ball trying to do EVERYTHING!! But thats me, try to do it all, and then of course the old attage, if you want something done right, do it yourself.. yeah, thats me. Having OCD doesn't really help either because your so compulsive about getting things done and a certain way.

So now I seem to be in this fog I can't get out of. Its strange really, I will have a thought, go into a room for something, get there and stand and look around, cause I have no idea of what it was I went there for in the first place. The thought is gone! I will turn around walk out, go do something else and then the thought hits me again, the one I had the first time I was in the room.. and so I chuckle to myself and go do what I was going to do. Does that make Or I will find myself picking up a dirty dish and walking to the fridge instead of the dish washer... I struggle for words sometimes, they are right there at the tip of my tongue, I can almost see them, but they won't make it to my brain.

I have to make lists, I even wrote out a list of chores to do around the house so I would remember to do them. I write stuff on the calander that I want to do that day or it wouldn't get done. But it seems this is just the way its going to be.. lists and fog...

Monday, June 08, 2009

Another Summer!

I'd like to say that I'm hopping for a nice warm, sunny summer.. but the real truth is I'm torn on this. Now that being said, I will

I want it to be hot, hot, with sunshine everyday so we can use the pool which we just got filled today. It keeps Jacob and I busy, splashing each other, having swimming races, silly stuff like that. And its great exercise for someone with painful joints cause it isn't jarring movements in water.

On the other side of this dilemma is the fact that those of us with Lupus aren't suppose to expose ourselves to the sun. Personally I break out in sores from the sunshine. They get itchy, I dig at them, which only makes them worse.. but its like a mosquito bite itchy, it just doesn't stop! So its kind of hard to dawn a bathing suit and get into a pool without being in the sun, especially when you use the sun to heat the water in the Is the dilemma clear

Its a double edge sword. Like most things with this disease, we are limited by our bodies. We have to weigh out the pros and cons and make an informed decision as to what we will do. After much thought, its going to be a pool party everyday because I want to have fun. I'm tired of not being able to do a lot of things that I use to enjoy, like certain foods I can't eat anymore, not being able to have a drink of alcohol, not being able to smoke, not being able to work, not being able to physically do things like,,get down on my knees and wash the baseboards in the house, or even to run.. not that I was ever a but if someone is chasing me, they wouldn't have a problem catching me now a

Limits, those are the things that the disease puts on us, they aren't something that we put on ourselves. And if I tend to think about them too much, I get really pissed off. So sometimes I ignore my body, I do what I want with no limits attached.. of course the consequences of my actions I will have to deal with later on,, but sometimes we just have to go about our job of living, living the best we can with what we have been given.. for me, its enjoying the sunshine and fun in the pool. I hope everyone has fun living this summer!