Thursday, March 12, 2009

Help, I'm stuck !

I haven't gone out since I've been nursing Brandy back to health, so I decided to go to the mall today and look for an outfit to wear to a dinner mystery murder theater we are going to on Sat.

I went to Sears, cause they had a sale going on. I love dresses, but the last time I wore one was at my last wedding in 1992. I have horrible scars from the lupus on my arms and legs and a huge bulging vein on my left leg that takes away from any sexiness that might be present. But just the same, I had about 10 dresses in my arms and I make my way to the dressing room.

I took off my top and undid my belt and jeans and just let them fall to my ankles cause I didn't want to have to unlace my winter boots and take them off... so are you getting a picture now? I know your grinning!

I was on dress 8 , it was really cute, a slim cut, black on the bottom, white on the top with little ruffles along the very deep V neck and a tiny belt that would hit just below the bust line.

Now, as you all know I'm chunky..and have a very ample bust... but none the less I pulled this dress over my head and then the realization hits that its much to snug to fit over my bust line..but ohhh nooooo,,, I keep going and pull it all the way down.

Some people have the body dysmorphic thing where they think they look ugly when they look in the mirror...well I think I'm skinny like I was 15yrs ago until I look in the mirror and then its like "oh my gawd, who is that fat person?" lol

The dress looked really good, or let me rephrase that,,, it would of, if it was a size larger that But I had grabbed the largest on the rack already so I knew there was nothing larger out there. So I figured I may as well stop looking at it and take it off...

I tried to grab the bottom and lift it up over my head, it felt like I was choking myself and locked in a sleeping bag. I started to panic, literally. I pulled it back down again.

I tried to grab some material and slide an arm out,,nope that wouldn't work either! I stopped and tried to gain my composure. I couldn't get it off!!!...Should I rip the tags off put my top and coat on and go pay for it and hope I loose 15 pounds over night? lol

I could hear a sales lady up further in the dressing room helping a lady fit a bra. I bent down, pulled up my jeans, did up the belt, straightened out the dress a little and poked my head out the door. That fast the sales clerk was gone.

I waited a few minutes, which seem like an eternity when your standing there with a dress on that is starting to cut off the Still no sales clerk.

I went to the main door and stuck my head out looking around the store for a one. I waited 5 minutes then went back to my dressing room. I really didn't know what I was going to do!

I heard someone walking in, so I opened up the door and see a woman coming with an arm full of clothes, she is grinning as she looks at me on the way past. I spoke up "Hi, do you think you could PLEASE help me, I can't find a sales clerk".. I sounded really desperate.... "I can't get this dress off" I was almost pleading now.

Her grin got larger. She hung up her clothes and then grabbed the bottom of the dress and pulled with all her might. I was a little taller, so I scrunched down a bit so she would have more leverage. So here I am standing with my bra, jeans and boots in the middle of the dressing room with a complete stranger tugging at this dress.... Off it came!

I'm thanking her and babbling on about how cute it looked on the hanger, she is nervously talking about how we all do things like this once in a while in our lives..and then tell her that this was my "what was I thinking moment" and she totally cracks up laughing...

I go back in my room and sit on the bench and the whole thing makes me start laughing, out loud, quite loudly, and I can't stop, I just sit there laughing..and the poor woman in the next room must really think I am some sort of nut case !

I put on my top, zip up my coat, sling my purse over my body and leave the store and the dress behind me, thinking that if they had surveillance cameras in the dressing room the security person must be rolling around on the floor laughing and marking the tape to show at the next staff party.

I decided to wear the pantsuit hanging in my closet.....


stacie-lee said...

lmfao pmp!!!! everytime i read this i start laughing so hard the kids give me some kleenex im crying!! it makes me laugh so hard u see ppl cause this isnt the first time my mother has done this lmao...imagine beckie and i at around 8 and 10 yrs old on eaither side of her pulling and tugging! and now i wonder as im older how many sales women were out side the door wondering what the heck is going on and if they realized they were prob laughing so hard that we never heard them cause they had to leave the changeroom so we never heard anyway i look forward to reading more from u mom u make me laugh so hard! love ya xoxox

Mom said...

I bet sales ladies have all kinds of wonderful funny stories to tell and their staff parties must be a riot! Thanks for sharing..luv you too ~Mom