What makes him happy, makes me happy

I remember JJ's teacher making the comment, "he never seems happy".  I told her that was common for a child with ASD. After all I explained, they are restricted in their emotions to angry or sad and because their interests are also markedly restricted if they aren't doing something they love, you won't see them happy.

For people who aren't around children with ASD, they won't pick up the subtle changes in their reactions to different things. Like going grocery shopping is a horrible task to JJ, he will drag his feet all through the store and  thinks its a waste of time, although he knows we need to buy the food if we are going to eat in the coming week. lol  But if you tell him he has two hours on the computer he will race into his room and turn on the laptop before I can blink an eye.  That is JJ happy.  He loves his laptop, in fact the only time I have seen him happy enough to cry was the day we gave it to him. I will try to put the video on cause it really is touching.  His desktop computer had died the week before, and he was using my laptop in the video. He asked if he could save something, and I had said "no", he then says "how come" and I replied "because you will be able to save it on your own" and his Papa brings out the laptop from behind his back.  That was one happy child,  just for a few minutes..but it did my heart good to see that happiness flow down his cheeks.

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When you deal with a child with ASD you need to take those moments and treasure them.  The only other time I get to see him smile and look happy is when we go to an indoor amusement center a couple hours away from our home town.  We have taken him every year for the past 4 years and he spends the day ridding the roller coaster and bumper cars. N and I sit on the bench and watch as he runs to get the back seat on the roller coaster before someone else does.  He loves going, and I am hoping next year we can take him to 6 flags in Montreal and let him see what a big amusement park is like.  I know it will blow his mind.

Take the small moments where you can find them, they are so few and far between, but worth it!

Is it over yet?

What a weekend.. I'm so glad its over!  We didn't do any special and JJ was in royal aspie form.  Everything was wrong, he argued about everything, and had two meltdowns.  I got up Saturday and said,"oh too bad its raining outside", he said "its so not raining" , I asked him if he'd like me to make an english muffin/egg sandwich for him he said "I hate those"..its his favorite...  As I was writing up the grocery list,I asked him if he wanted anything special for school snacks this week he says "no everything tastes awful"... The trip to the grocery store was not good either because all he wanted to do was play on the computer.  UGH!  The whole weekend was like that, no matter what I said or did, he was just negative or said the opposite of what it was and tried to argue with me.

His new obsession is the computer.  He gets on the phone and he and his friend talk about the game they are playing on the disney web site.  I limit his time on there by setting an alarm and when it goes off he is suppose to shut it down.  I always tell him, you have an hour to play and when the alarm goes its time to get off the computer.  Weekends, he gets three hours total spread out over the day, and I think that is plenty for a kid, especially when he can become obsessed over things so easily.  He tries to bargain for longer time even, like he says "I'll make my bed", or "I'll brush my teeth" if I can have longer computer time.. of course this is stuff he is suppose to do without a reward..lol

Yesterday was rough.  I ended up having to suspend his time on the computer for today because he didn't want to abide by the rule and made a big unnecessary fuss every time it was time to get off the computer.  Of course he wasn't happy about loosing computer time today, because his friend called first thing this morning and wanted him to go on the computer... I was the meanest Nannie in the world again!  He told me I must be trying to get in the guiness book of records... lol  yeah, funny kid..lol

I'm still trying to figure out why he was more difficult than usual so the whole week isn't like this.  Hope you all have a good Monday!

Confession

I love computers. My perfect job would be something to do with computers, maybe incoming help calls or an at home data entry job.  That’s why I like blogging so much.  But I have a confession.  When I was trying to set up my blog I found it difficult. I have a hard time reading how to do something and then doing it.  If someone could show me how to do it, just once..I can do it after that.  I have always been that way.  Tests in school were a nightmare for me.  I would get physically sick thinking about having to write a test.  Words seem to become a foreign language. Even now at my age I feel like I am reading gibberish if it isn’t accompanied by pictures with step by step instructions.
The same thing happened when I was reading about how to put in meta tags or how to ping a site for my blog.  I spent 4 hours this morning reading numerous “how to” websites trying to find out how to do both those things.  I think I figured it out, but I’m not 100 per cent sure of that.  I guess if I start showing up in search engines then I got it right..
In a way its good that I have this impairment so to speak, it makes it easier to understand JJ and how he may see things through his eyes. If we see things differently than others but still see the same thing in the end, then that is a good thing, regardless of the path taken to get there.

One down and one to go

I live in time frames.  Its like a moment is gone, on to the next one.. or an hour has gone by, a week. My life is sections, noticeable sections of time.  


Some days I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for JJ to have a meltdown and when it doesn't happen its like I'm doing a happy dance inside my head.  If you have a special needs child then you know exactly what I mean.  


Sections of time that seem to float through the air and all of a sudden will get caught up in some sort of JJ crisis, some sort of "end of the world", my life sucks, OMG the computer froze up crisis.  It doesn't take much to set him off.  When I clean his room while he is at school I have to make sure everything is put back correctly or I am the worse Nannie in the world because I moved something out of place when I was dusting.  If I make him the wrong kind of sandwich he won't eat it no matter how hungry he is and the crisis shows its ugly head once again.


I so try to advert these crisis's.  I know that Aspie kids hate change, only like certain foods, get stuck on certain toys to the point that they won't even consider playing with anything else.  JJ is like that to the max.  


When he was 2 it was weeble wobbles and only them. He had to have them all with every building and accessory that went with them. Between the age of 2 & 3 we did manage to collect them all.  


When he turned 4 it was dinosaurs.  He knows every fact there is to know about dinosaurs, and would talk about nothing else.  You had to show you were really interested in what he was telling you about them excessively or he would get mad at you. Between the ages 4& 5 with birthdays and Christmas and good behaviour times he had a huge collection of dinosaurs. Every shape and size, electronic and bendable, books and movies too.  He sounded like a little professor when he talked about his dinosaurs.


At 6 he got the pokemon bug. Pokemon cards, toys, movies, game cube games, books, anything and everything pokemon. Again he would talk of nothing else, and knows all facts about each one. That lasted until he was 7 then he found lego. Not just any old cheap lego, Nooooo... its star wars lego. Last year we gathered up all his weebles, dinosaurs and pokemon toys and sold them on kijiji and he bought a Wii with the money. The first game he bought for it,,was star wars lego,  Go figure..


For the past 2yrs we have been on an endless quest to find the newest box of star wars lego.  We set a price point for him early on and have never wavered on it or we would be in the poor house.  The worse part about the lego is if a piece falls off a day later he doesn't put it back on, so he has a now has a tote bin full of star wars lego pieces.  He does use them to make his own "space ships" or what ever, so its not a total loss.


He has never played with a dinky toy, dump truck, or played in a sand box like most little boys would do. I've tried over the years to show him how to play like that, but its of no interest to him at all.


I guess in a way we have gotten use to his obsessive toy compulsions. And when he was diagnosed at 6 of having aspergers an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) I did lots of reading up on the syndrome and found that it was perfectly normal for him to exclude certain foods, toys etc.  


Trying to change this behaviour stresses them out to the point that they will have complete meltdowns.  There really is nothing worse than a child having a meltdown that lasts sometimes for hours.  As he gets older and with consistent parenting and some counselling, he has learned what is acceptable behaviour when he starts to stress out.  We try to advert a crisis before it escalates by diverting his attention thus taking the focus off what is stressing him and making his brain switch gears and think about something else. The older he gets the better this method is working.


Its all a learning curve, for him and us.  He needs more help but there is a 2 yr waiting list he is on to see the specialist. In the mean time I do lots of reading about different strategies to use and keep him in a routine and consistent. It keeps those sections of time flowing smoother.